The Worst Betrayal
by 1SuperKawaii
Summary: Byakuya has to win back Rukia's trust. A pedophile once tried to rape her, he's back and causing serious trouble. There is No underage sex of any sort described in here but there are a few references.  This is an adult rape fic but it's NOT for smut.
1. Chapter 1

I forgot I wrote this one. Luckily I opened the file. I just had to spell check it, so enjoy. Warning this is a rape fic but it's not for the point of smut.

...

Things couldn't have been more perfect for Rukia. It had been ten years since the fall of Aizen. Everyone had gone back to their lives and things were very quiet. It was a time of celebration a time of happiness, a time of prosperity and a time of renewal.

Rukia had decided to stay in Seiretei in the life she had become so accustomed. What was very obvious to her was that her brother, Byakuya was also, all be it silently, overjoyed that she had decided to remain under his roof.

She loved every moment they spent together, just as he did . It was an unspoken romance. He knew she belonged to him and she didn't have thoughts for any other. Since both of them had such good self control, neither of them were able to take the final leap and actually embrace.

Byakuya was a very stressed person, his life consisted of constant demands and constant orders that conflicted with his beliefs. No one would see this in him because of his stoic behavior. One would question his ability to feel at all upon seeing him, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Inside he was just as conflicted as any, inside he fought to contain the immense pressure building and building under the guise of perfection. The burden of carrying such a guise constantly, and unknowingly to anyone, brought him to the brink of breaking. Inside he was just as hot headed as the next Shinigami, only his break would leave much more disaster in its wake.

Rukia was happy with him. She was his sole companion, and the only person in the entirety of their world in which he could confide, in which he could find comfort, in which he could find the happiness that otherwise alluded him.

If it were not for that happiness, the smile on her face, the way she lit up the room for him, when they were together, the way she treated him like her best friend, the way they were so easy together, his responsibilities would have been too overwhelming to continue.

Rukia had lived a hard life before she came to live with Byakuya. Things in the slums of the 78th were beyond what anything you or I could perceive. For her having his protection meant the world. There were nights she would wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare of those days. He would hear her yells from down the hall. She would allow him to comfort her to both their hearts content. They had an unbreakable bond.

It was because of those old days she did not date, it was because of those days she kept many male companions as only friends, too afraid to be anything more. For her men had been scary but she had learned to live with that, and many of those around her, after years of building relationships, became less frightening. There were very few people she was close too, and ironically enough they were all males.

"Rukia, you look lovely again this evening. I am so glad you finally allowed your personal maid to take over your care." Ginrei said.

"Thank You Grandfather. I am not worthy of representing this house." Rukia said with a graceful bow.

"It seems like just yesterday a disheveled, unmannered young girl came to live with us. You have exceeded expectations. I never expected you to be able to pour tea so flawlessly." Ginrei said.

"Yes your skills will be useful next week when my uncle comes to visit. I gather that after nearly a hundred years of estrangement his intentions may have unknown motivations. Be careful what you say around him." Byakuya said.

"I understand and I will do my best to make you proud." Rukia said.

After years of forced tutoring, a maturing girl finally learned how to pour tea properly and act as graceful as any grand lady of the house could. For until her brother remarried, it was her duty to represent him at meetings. It was not long until she was praised by many for her skills at the table.

Rukia loved every bit of praise she got from him. It was because of this praise she tried so hard to learn how to be a lady. It was also this skill that brought them both together in one intimate setting after another. It was this skill that broke the ice and made them the closest of friends.

He longed for her as she did for him. Neither were easy to get close to and they both required the long courtship and friendship they were innocently sharing. Every obstacle between them disappearing one by one, until the desire between them grew to be too much, and started becoming unbearable.

Rukia had rushed home from work to be ready to greet her uncle over the dinner table. He would stay over for the night and familial matters would be discussed. It was odd that he would visit, after nearly ninety years, and it kept those who knew him uneasy.

Rukia entered the dining room and bowed with grace, looking as lovely as ever. She kept her eyes down and sat next to her brother. It was at the moment she looked up, into the eyes of the man who sat in front of her, the moment the words of introduction that she did not even manage to hear, that she was struck with a terror she hadn't felt in years.

"Rukia this is Kuchiki Gorou, one of my many brothers." Ginrei said.

She pulled herself together long enough to greet him as humbly as she could.

"Do pour our guest some tea." Ginrei said noticing the girl had froze.

She was noticeably shaken and spilled a few droplets in the action.

"Rukia are you unwell?" Byakuya said not showing how concerned he really was for her out of character behavior.

"I…I'm fine." she managed trying to pour the tea, but jerking violently, she spilled the whole pot.

"Rukia you are unwell." Byakuya stated. Which was also an order to leave the room and fix whatever it was that was ailing her.

"Yes my deer please do not let us keep you, if you are unwell. Such a lovely girl should not stress herself out if she is ill." Gorou said and Rukia left quickly without bowing.

"I do not know what is wrong with her tonight." Byakuya said.

"Oh girls of that age, it's always one thing or another. Probably a man. I've seen it so many times before. They get so jittery after they've had a little spat. Or just after they have…you know. She did have that flushed look on her face." Gorou said.

Byakuya had been angered at the mans suggestion. Not only angry but jealous. She had never mentioned seeing anyone, but it was possible as he didn't spend every moment of the day with her and her Shinigami duties were very laid back. Byakuya had been unable to focus on anything else for the rest of the evening. He began to obsess over the idea that she had a lover, and it wasn't him.

It was enough of a suggestion to make him noticeably wince showing the cunning man that the boy in front of him did indeed have a weakness. It was only the matter of planting the right information to make things in the house unravel and week enough to take over.

Gorou had remembered the girl, although she was much older then when he last laid eyes on her. It was impossible not to recognize her. It was the violet eyes, the way she had held herself, even back then, and the aura of fire that he remembered from so long ago. The same fire that still lit his own and made him beyond aroused.

Rukia locked herself in her room, feeling foolish at her reaction. It was him, there was no way she would ever forget the face of the man who was almost her first, by force, by a large sum of money, when she had only barely turned seven.

It had been too many years and she should have gotten over it but that face stuck with her, it was that face that kept her from being with anyone. She wrote in her journal that evening for the first time in ages and poured the story onto the pages, relieving some of the pressure building.

She wrote everything about the man that she knew. She had lived in the neighborhood of the whore house before she was sold there. She remembered watching someone, who dared call himself a Kuchiki, but then a stranger, go in and out every other week and force himself on a girls as young as four and several boys as well. Rumors spread about a rich man and the young girls that would go missing from the brothel, never to be seen again. He was a complete monster, not a man.

She wondered how he could sit there looking so happy and content with himself, when she couldn't even live with what she had seen him do to others. The revelation of him being related to the two men in her household, whom she held so dearly, was a severe blow. She knew that they would never be involved, or approve of that behavior. If there had been any way to prove his wrong doings she knew his position would be ruined and many other nobles would call for his head.

Rukia walked out into the garden trying to calm herself. She stood on the bridge over the pond that she was so fond of trying to sort things out.

"I thought I might find you here." came a mans voice beside her.

Rukia panicked and began to back away from him.

"Did you think I would not remember you?….Nothing to say?" Gorou gained on her.

Rukia was backed into a corner of the bridge with no where to go and a crippling fear she couldn't control.

"I could never forget the one that got away, the one I paid so much for, the one with the eyes that made me want to lick her all over." he kissed her on the neck but she couldn't move.

"S..s…s…stop." she stuttered in a high pitched but voice.

"Oh no I will claim what I have paid for. All of you whores love this, do not resist,"

"Stop Ni…Byakuya-sama will kill you if you try anything."

"Really my deer? When I tell him where I found you when you were so young, being sold on the street, and how I helped you, he will only thank me. Although I do not believe he will be very happy if I decide to tell him that you were also a whore for many years before you came to live with him. The shame would kill him, wouldn't it? He would hate you…detest you…throw you out on the street. Then what? You can always come and visit me, that is until I tire of you." Gorou said stroking her hair, he then drew his sword as a warning to not stop him.

"You're a liar he'd never believe you." she said.

Rukia had drawn her sword as well. She regained her courage and kicked him to the ground. Only she was in a fury, she was going to kill him in cold blood, with no chance of remorse. She was holding her sword up over her head and began to thrust the sword downward into his chest. But the man was spared.

"Rukia what has gotten into you today?" Byakuya said after he had shunpoed her a few feet away from the man she was about to kill.

"Oh now Byakuya don't worry so much. I just wanted to test her sword, and I'm afraid it may have been taken too far, I can be very tactless sometimes. I am sorry if I have offended you Rukia-chan. I do hope we can be good friends." Gorou bowed with a grin.

"Rukia is that what happened?" Byakuya asked slightly skeptical. He had been so caught up in what Gorou had said earlier about her having a lover, that he wasn't really listening to her and he really didn't care about the situation. He was too obsessed and too busy trying to push down the ire he was experiencing.

"Yes." she said running back to her room and closing the doors tightly.

"It is all my fault Byakuya. We are old friends and I should have mentioned that earlier but I just now recognized her. I'm afraid she wouldn't want her secret to be out. And if you were concerned for her earlier it was indeed a lover she was flustered over. Ah to be young and in love again." Gorou said infuriating an already maddened Byakuya.

"She has a lover?" Byakuya said. Something in him seething with anger and jealousy. He wanted to kill whomever it was that dare lay a hand on his Rukia, the girl he loved more then anything in this world, the girl he was soon going to ask to be his wife.

"Yes I do not know who he and I do doubt he is a noble but I was right when I said I thought she was coming from a tryst with him."

"She told you this?" Byakuya said become noticeably angered.

"She confirmed it herself. Should that bother you? It is not like she has not been with men before. Oh I'm afraid I've said too much." he covered his mouth.

"What do you mean?" he was losing his grip and his covered riatsu began to leak out.

"I should keep these things a secret. I wouldn't want to ruin the reputation she has taken so long to build." Gorou said watching as the man in front of him quickly began to lose his cool.

"Tell me or you will find yourself lifeless." Byakuya said pushing the man up against the beam of the bridge ready to kill.

"Well it's not for me to say really but I knew her a long time ago. It was of course before she was a Shinigami. If she had been she wouldn't have needed to work in such a deplorable field."

"Tell me now!" Byakuya shouted his sword drawn to the mans neck.

"She's a whore Byakuya and a very popular one at that. At least she was when I knew her. I gave her some food and money one day in passing in the seventy eighth district. I thought she looked like she needed some rest and food. As you remember I was the volunteer magistrate for the district. I so wanted to help all of those unfortunates. It was her eyes that made me give her the money. I'll never forget them. She was so young too. I watched her for years come and go with one man or another. I even stepped in one day when I thought I saw her with one who was a known criminal. I wish I could have helped her."

"It is untrue!" Byakuya yelled, losing all his self control.

"I don't blame her for her wanting to keep it from you. It wouldn't be something I would want to talk about, especially if it lost me all of this." he waved his hand to signify all of the wealth and comforts about her.

"You are a liar! Speak the truth or I will kill you where you stand."

"I would love to tell you differently. I'm afraid it is the truth. I would never lie to you, my own nephew. Did she mention nothing of her time in the districts? All the women resort to being whores, it's the natural progression of things and I must say they can not stay away from that life long, it's a desire they can't contain." Gorou said. Byakuya dropped the apologetic looking man hard.

He was in a terrible rage. She never told him. She had disgraced him and their family, along with everything he held dear. She had a lover, she had been a whore, she was probably still a whore. He became blinded with the anger her was feeling, the jealousy, the betrayal. He had spent so much time secretly loving her, wanting her, telling her all that he kept hidden from the rest of the world and she did not tell him this.

It all made sense too. She had indeed mentioned being sold into a whore house. But she lied and said she had escaped. She had lied like the dirty whore she was. She had taken advantage of him, of his good graces. She nudged herself into his life and his heart. He wanted to cry he wanted to yell but most of all he wanted to kill her.

Rukia had been in her room finishing the journal entry she had started. She was scared the man would say something to Byakuya, she was scared the man would try to take advantage of her, blackmail her. But she never feared what was about to happen. When her door opened she expected to see her maid but instead saw Byakuya coming right at her much like a mad bull.

She had never seen so much anger emanate off of him. He had always remained so calm in the face of even the worst events. Still he teetered at the breaking point and this was finally it.

"You have been lying to me for years! All I have done for you! All I have given you! All I have been to you! and this is what I get?" he yelled in a rage knocking her to the floor.

"Ni-sama please what is the matter. What have I done?" she scurried to get up but he was yelling so loudly that she could not.

"You very well know what you have done! I was too blind to notice what a whore you are. Running around with lover after lover. Letting them fuck you. You were a whore when I found you and you are a whore now. You have betrayed me, my trust. No one does that to me!" he yelled in her face holding her down on the floor.

"I'm not lying to you…please listen…please. He told you, I know what he said. It's not true please listen to me...please." she pleaded as he had ripped the front of her kimono open.

"I am tired of listening to you Rukia. You continue to string me along so you will not have to starve. I can take this from anyone, but not from you! How many?" he demanded.

"What? There haven't been any I swear…I swear there haven't been any…it's a lie! Please Byakuya! Stop, please!" she cried.

"How many have there been?" he slapped her across the face hard making tears splatter across the room. A large welt beginning to form on her cheek.

She thought for a moment, he didn't believe her. The man she held dearest in the world didn't believe her. After everything he still believed a stranger over her. She wanted to die. Part of her did die.

"I do not remember. Possibly hundreds." she said solemnly and knowingly sealed her fate.

"Is this want you want Rukia? Is this what you like? Is this how whores like it?" he said shoving himself into her as she let out a loud yell of pain and struggled under his tight grip. The servants outside not knowing what to do and knowing better then to interrupt what the lord did remained uneasily quiet and grouped together not meeting anyone else's eyes.

"Please stop…. My records, at the forth…please stop…look at the records...I'm not lying to you. I've waited for you." she pleaded to no avail.

She hadn't moved after the pain subsided. Then let him do as he pleased, knowing struggling would just prolong the agony.

"I should have done this to you when we first met. Then disposed of you the way one would any whore. I will not let you deceive me again." he said finishing in her quickly then tearing out of the room and locking himself in his own.

She lay there like a corpse, her kimono still on her body but spread open. Her maid had come in after and so did another. They managed to clean the body of the broken girl. Neither of them had ever seen that kind of behavior in the house and neither cared to again, but they needed their jobs and did their duty.

When morning came Rukia did not come to breakfast. Her grandfather had missed her and made her stay for dinner. She sat with her head down. Byakuya wouldn't make eye contact as the guilt for over reacting in such a way had kept him up the entire night. She would not forgive him, he would not forgive himself. She was still Rukia after all, even if she didn't want him, even if she had others before, she was still his companion, well was.

He remembered how she yelled when he forced himself into her. She wasn't as easy an entry as a woman who had sex regularly and he found that odd. He had never lost control like that, never before and even if she had betrayed and lied to him, he knew there was no excuse for what he had done. He had been so hurt and jealous that he did the only thing he thought he could do to hurt her back, to possess her, to show his dominance to her, to show he would not be made a fool of by her.

He could not go to his wife's shrine. He had broken the promise to protect Rukia. He had broken the promise to the dead, yet again, but this he could not ask for forgiveness for, not from Hisana. Hisana would have hated him, killed him, for what he had done to her sister.

Ginrei watched the strange and out of character interaction of the two. Something had been terribly wrong. Rukia' eyes looked blank and her aura was beyond melancholy. Byakuya, on the other hand, looked like he didn't even bother to brush his hair when he woke up. Neither touched their food and neither spoke until Rukia excused herself, feigning illness.

Byakuya decided he wasn't hungry and went to his room. There was no way he could make it up to her but every time he thought of her with all of those men, and gladly giving her body away behind his back, he would become too angry to think straight.

Over the next two weeks things remained the same as they both avoided one another. Rukia was feeling suffocated, she wanted to run away, go anywhere, anywhere but where she was. She didn't hate him, she couldn't, but she also couldn't be there with him anymore. It was too difficult and although she knew the rage was over, she no longer felt safe. The thing she had tried to avoid happening to her, her entire life, happened, and it was the person she loved and trusted the most who had done it to her.

By week three she was staying in her office and not coming home for anything but to get a change of clothing. Ginrei was concerned but did not ask.

When an agonizingly long week five ended Rukia had left a note for her captain and no one else.

"Byakuya I don't wish to bother you, as I have heard you are very busy lately training your men for combat, but I must ask how Rukia is?" Ukitake asked in a phone call.

"Why do you ask of her? I have been too occupied to bother with her lately." he said, a complete lie because he was driving his men to the edge for no reason.

"Oh well I see. I just wanted to know if she was well. You see I called over at the manor for her and the maid told me that she hadn't been home for nearly a week but then dropped by late last night to pack a bag, then left without any indication of where she was going."

"Yes, what else did she say?"

"Well I found this note on my desk this morning from Rukia. She says she's taking and extended leave of absence for personal reasons and that I should not worry. I just wondered where she has gone." Ukitake said, concerned so much that he began to cough.

"She is fine, do not concern yourself." he said to spare the man his health.

Byakuya became frantic with worry over her safety. But then he wondered if she would be safer elsewhere, away from him. He hated what he did to her, he hated himself and her, but worst of all he hated the fact that for a moment being inside of her was the only thing that seemed real and whole in his life.

"Abarai!" Byakuya called.

"Taicho?" Renji saluted.

"Rukia has taken a ….vacation and has not informed anyone where. I wonder if she has told you where she might have gone."

"No the last time I saw her was about two weeks ago and she looked really bad. She didn't want to talk to me and rushed off. If she took a vacation I'm sure it will help her sort out whatever it is." Renji said.

"Did she mention anything about why she was upset?"

"No but I assumed it was something bad, like if you were to tell her you were marrying someone else, which I hope isn't the case, because it would kill her." Renji said.

"Abarai when you lived with her, did you know much of her past?" Byakuya asked.

"No not much she didn't like to talk about it, I think she said she told you about what happened when she was just a kid, getting sold and all. I remember her waking up at night screaming. Luckily she always let me calm her, we shared a mat you know, but nothing like you're thinking. Rukia' always been a good girl…where are you going?"

Byakuya left his office and went back to the manor and paced the floors. Then as night fell he could no longer stave off what he was feeling. The mistake he had made. She had pleaded with him, told him it was a lie. He couldn't understand why he didn't believe her or why he couldn't clam himself down. But she had confessed hadn't she?

Then he remembered the look on her face when he accused her. It went from fear and sadness to solemn acceptance. Like she had left her body, knowing what was to come and not caring.

She said something about medical records.

He rushed over to the forth division, waking Unohana-Taicho. She had known him for a long time, delivered him herself, tended his wounds as a child. She had never once seen him this upset. He demanded his sisters medical records, and by right, they were for him to see if he wished.

"Byakuya if it is over what I think this is I can tell you now that she should tell you." Unohana said referring to her latest appointment.

"I must know. Was she untouched?"

"That is a strange question. Well as of six months ago yes." she said and he nearly collapsed. "Oh you had better sit down and tell me what has happened?"

"She is gone. I…I have done something horrible and now she is gone."

"I see, now I understand why she did not take the news so well when I told her yesterday. It is usually such a joyous event. I'm sure you haven't done anything too bad to her, she'll come back. I was certain she was in love with you and how can a child made out of love be bad?"

"Child!"

"Yes she was with child when she left here. She should not be out wandering in her condition though. She needs proper nutrition."

Byakuya rushed back home, his riatsu flaring out of control. Items were knocked everywhere and savants scrambled to avoid anything he might do. He went into her room and pulling book after book off of the shelf, he noticed a purple one, the one with the Chappy stickers all over it, that he forgot he had seen on the floor the night he had committed his crime.

Opening the pages he noticed random entries 'I'm so happy he asked me to call him by his first name today instead of nii-sama.' 'I love being with him, I've never known another man who made me feel as safe as he does.' 'Byakuya doesn't look happy today, I'm going to do all I can to make his day better.' 'We had lunch together. I cant help but be in love with my funny stoic brother."

Then he saw it, the entry for that night, all of what she had written, all she had revealed about Gorou Kuchiki, someone from his own bloodline, someone he had feared he'd become. But the journal didn't stop there, the final entry, 'The person whom I loved and trusted the most in this world has betrayed everything, I don't know how I'm going to go on. I have to leave, he still looks at me every day like I'm a common street whore. I could have forgiven what he did, but I cant forgive him for not believing me. I wont come back this time and they wont find me.'

It was all written in a sloppy hand and very misspelled like someone was writing in a very emotional state. He sat there on the floor, fully grasping what he had done, what he had done to the person that loved him the most, the person he loved the most. Sat there and cried over her journal, over the kimono that had been laid out onto her bed as if she would return any moment.

Weeks passed and so did months. He had scouts searching for her in secret. He did not want to alarm anyone to the fact that she was not on vacation. His plan had been to use her diary as evidence for his intent to duel Gorou, but the man was so distraught at the dishonor of the information that might get out that he killed himself. It left Byakuya with no one to beat up on but himself.

He missed many days of work searching for a trace of her. The seventy eighth district was where he had spent the most time. It was there she was originally from, and he thought she might return there because it was familiar.

A year and a half passed and still no sign of her. Both Renji, her captain and a few others had enquired about her but he said she was well and enjoying her leave. He couldn't tell them why she was gone, he couldn't face what he had done.

He hired a specialist, a tracker, to find her and paid him in excessive amounts of gold. It was at the two year mark that news had returned that she had been found and was well. Now that he knew where she was he sat with the information not knowing what to do.

"Grandfather I am taking leave. I do not know when I will return."

"This has to do with Rukia, does it not?" Ginrei asked.

"Yes."

"Why did she leave? Tell me why I have lost my granddaughter."

"I can not even speak of it."

"What have you done?" Ginrei demanded knowing it wasn't going to be good.

"I listened to Gorou. His lies. I was enraged and I forced myself on her. When she discovered she was carrying my child she ran away. I have just located her."

"Dear god!… You have shamed us all…What do you expect to accomplish by finding her?"

"I do not know, but I can not sit around any longer waiting. I have to do something. I have wronged her. I have to have her forgiveness and I will do anything I can to get it, I may not return for some time."

The journey wasn't all that long. Rukia had taken residence in a small cottage that had come with the land acquired by their family a few years prior to her meeting Ichigo. It had been all but forgotten, but Rukia remembered there was a bit of chaos when the occupants had to be evicted.

It was still in decent shape, and there were scattered neighbors and a small village not too far from her. She had taken a horse and she managed a garden that was just enough to feed her. Money was not a concern as she had stocked away all of her pay for the years as a Shinigami, all of her needs had been paid for by her family.

She had taken some money out of the bank before she left. She was too afraid to go to a bank again because someone might be able to locate her. One day she needed to take more money out of her account for medicine and that is what lead the tracker to her.

Byakuya watched her through the window for a long time. He was unable to make himself take a step forward. She lifted a child with dark hair and he nearly choked. It was now or never.

Ever so slowly he approached the door. The knock required all of his nerve to complete. Her footfalls could be heard on the other side. Then the knob turned and the door moved inward.

She started with a smile on her face but it was quickly replaced when she realized who it was. They stood there for a long time just looking at one another. Neither knew what to say and neither knew what to do.

"Rukia you will come home immediately." was all he could manage to say. It came out wrong but it was his way.

"I refuse." she tried to close the door on him but he pushed it open.

"Rukia I have come to apologize."

"Apologize? You have some nerve. You've come for my kids haven't you? I'm not going to let you take them. You'll have to kill me."

"Kids? No I have not come to take them, you have my word."

"A lot of good that is. You should leave."

"Rukia please just hear me out. I have been looking for you for two years."

"There is nothing I want to hear from you."

"Rukia." he pleaded. "I must talk with you. What I did to you…it was unforgivable, I know that…there must be something…some way…something I can do to fix this."

"I don't care what you have to say."

"Please can we discuss this?" he pleaded through the door.

She hesitantly let him into the house.

"These are your children Byakuya jr. and Hisana. There was a third Kaien, but ironically he did not live long after he was born."

"Rukia…I…" he was speechless.

"Do not try to deny they are yours. They both have your grey eyes." she said.

He held the children for a while and looked them over while she made some tea.

"I have missed you. It was my own folly. Please tell me, I will do anything to rectify the situation."

"There is nothing you can do. You didn't trust me enough, you believed someone else's lies. There's nothing you can do to take that back."

"I had meant to marry you."

"What? Why?"

"Yes. You see I had fallen in love with you."

"Byakuya, you can not mean that."

"It was as true then as it is now. I had never felt the kind of rage I did at that moment. I thought you had a lover…"

"A lover? Me? How could you have ever thought that?"

"It is what I thought. I was so jealous I could not see or hear anything else. It only grew I am not making excuses as I have no right to make any, but I was under such strain that the thought of losing you made me break. Then the thought that you were lying to me all of this time, that you were running around behind my back, that someone else was touching you, that so many had touched you, I lost all of the reserve I had built up over the years. It was a sentence of another eternity of endless mourning." he said.

"I…how could you have…?"

"It seemed hopeless. I knew I would lose you and I knew because of your past I could not keep you. It was over, everything was over for me and I took it out on you….Rukia I…..I wanted to…I had been wanting to with you for so long that I was tired of waiting…Rukia I am ashamed of what I have done to you…I am ashamed of not believing you…and I am more ashamed of enjoying what I did to you."

"I could have dealt with what you did to me. It was horrible…it was something I tried all of my life to avoid. I never dated…I was too scared to date or to be with anyone because of what I had been through. I trusted you and felt safe with you. You broke that trust. I had built my world around you with the illusion that you would never hurt me. It's that…it's what you broke between us that I cant get over."

"There must be a way. I still love you. I still want you. We have children together and you belong at home with me. Let me stay here with you. I have taken an extended vacation and I will stay with you for as long as it takes for you to trust me again. Could you ever love me again? I am asking too much."

"I have always loved you. That will never change. But I can not trust you and I cant be with someone I don't trust. It's too hard. I have done my best to get over the incident…of what you did to me…and I have dealt with it better then I had expected to, possibly because it was you, who I had planned on being my first anyway." she paused for a while and they only sat there. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"Sometimes I have nightmares…I see you…you hate me…you are beating me, then I see his face and I wake up frightened. Other times I dream that you are angry with me and you are leaving me. I call out to you and try to catch up to you but I cant. The worst part is, I wake up and you're not there and I feel even worse."

"Give me a chance. I will set things right. I do not expect you to trust me as you once did but I will do everything I can to get you back. I do not care if it takes a lifetime and we do not return to Seiretei. Let me stay, I beg of you."

"After everything I still can't say no to you. Fine you can stay but…"

"I do not expect anything, not so soon. It will give us time. I never would have allowed you to leave. I should have been with you. We would have had children, with your consent, I had it planned for a while. I was too proud to tell you how I really felt and now my pride seems pointless. Rukia I will give up everything if you were to ask."

"I'll let you stay. Just don't expect too much. I don't know if things can ever be the way they were."

"I only ask that you give me a chance to prove to you that I will never harm you again."

"There isn't much room, but you can sleep on the couch in the front room. The children should get to know you. It's not going to be easy living here, it's nothing like your used to but there's enough food and it's warm in the winter."

"I will be fine here. This is our home until you are ready to return with me to our old life. You always gave me unconditional love and trust. It is time I return that to you."

Some awkward weeks passed. At first Rukia was cold toward him. He worked hard each day to prove to her his good intentions. The children took to him very quickly and understood he was their father.

"Thanks for putting them to bed. You know if someone had ever asked me if you were capable of living here and doing so much work I never would have thought you able." she said handing him a cup of tea.

"I am particularly motivated and this sort of work has been a good change. For the both of us."

"I doubt we would have ever had a chance to work together like this back at the manor. There are just too many people around."

"This is the longest I have ever been away from the manor. I have never been free of my position."

"That must be hard. How does it feel to be a normal person?"

"As laborious as the work is, it is a relief to not answer for everything." he said.

Another season passed and the tiny house was running like clockwork.

"We have to get the last of the herbs in and dry them." she said.

"It is going to be a cold winter."

"We have enough in store so we will make it through fine. But we're definitely going to need more firewood."

"Senbonsakura will take care of that issue." he said.

"Here it's getting chilly." she placed his scarf around his neck and her eyes caught his for a moment.

"It has been cleaned. Thank you." he said and she nodded.

Winter came fiercely and the ground was covered in snow and ice. The fireplace burned day and night.

"Their fevers wont break." Rukia said looking exhausted.

"There is little more we can do at the moment. Try and get some sleep." he said and she lay her head on his lap as he stroked her hair.

"Promise me they won't die."

"Rukia they will pull through, they are our children and nothing stops a Kuchiki. Do not worry just rest." he said more worried then he let on.

"You're worried. I can tell"

"It amazes me that you can see what no one else can."

"You're not that hard to read once you know what to look for." she sat up. "I'm scared." she looked at him seriously and he pulled her close.

"They will pull through. Were are going to deal with this together. Now rest, there will be much to do in the morning."

They both fell asleep and by the morning there was indeed much to do as the children were sitting up and were hungry and demanding.

More seasons came and went until a year had been completed. In that difficult year together they had become closer then they had before. Both were free of the restraints of Seiretei and were living their own lives without any obligations beyond their small house.

"We have to go back don't we?"

"It is long overdue. But I have no objections about staying longer."

"Ginrei-sama will need the rest. How do I explain to everyone why I left?"

"We will marry before we return. It will solve some of the issues we will face."

"I guess we can say that we argued so I left then I found out I was pregnant but was too stubborn to return."

"It is believe able. I do not care what you tell anyone. I have you back and that is all that matters. Grandfather will want to see his grandchildren."

"We should return as soon as we can." she said.

The two were married by the local justice of the peace and they both made plans to return to the small house as soon as they could make time for a vacation.

They approached the gates of Seiretei, holding their children, took a deep breath and entered. The place seemed too familiar, the feeling of responsibility hit them both as they passed the gates.

"Byakuya you have brought Rukia back." Ginrei greeted the girl with and out of character hug.

"Ginrei-sama these are your grandchildren." she said and she didn't have to confirm the identity of the children's father.

"We have married as well." Byakuya said.

"This is a very happy occasion. Things have been resolved between you? Ginrei asked holding his two grandchildren.

"Yes it's all going to be alright from now on." she said smiling holding Byakuya' hand.

"Nothing will part us again." Byakuya said.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I'm not sure where I'm going with this fic but if deff needed another chapter. I want to go in-depth with Rakia's responses of what happened to her and how Byakuya deals with what he did.

For now Gorou is still dead, (note the one sentence death in chap 1) if that changes I will be very clear on the changes and edits made.

Forgive me it's 1:25 AM and I wrote this in 15min with great intensity.

They had been home for two weeks and Rukia avoided her old bedroom like the plague. Part of her was in denial of what happened and part of her wanted to stay that way. If anyone was asked to describe Rukia they would use the terms strength and courage, they had always been rooted deeply into her. If she were still alive she could deal with anything, she had always thought that, but now she wasn't so sure.

It was time to overcome the fear of her old bedroom. The place she spent nearly seventy years sleeping and living. Not much had ever happened in the room and it held pleasant memories, but one incident changed all of that for good. It was a room and nothing more, a room to any visitor, an empty room.

She placed her hand on the door and stood there for a while in the dimly lit hall. An internal pep talk and a force from within rose up and she started to open the door, but as fast as her resolve came was as fast as it went. Her heart began to pound, and her eyes started to focus on the outlines in the dark room.

A wall, a closet door were safe to look at, soon enough her eyes came to the floor where the incident had occurred. Her body went numb and she lost control of her legs. Falling to her knees she began to sob uncontrollably.

She scolded herself for the thoughts she was having. She was stronger then this, she worked hard to get over what had happened. Every part of her rational mind tried to plead for her sanity, for her abilities to cope but at that moment her emotions had gained full control and all she could feel were the emotions and trauma that occurred that night.

Her reaction was to run, but she couldn't leave the spot or her memories. It had indeed been worse then she had told herself. Not all of it was due to what had occurred, but what had been building and hiding inside of her for years. The fear and trauma of what had nearly happened when she was a child. She remembered feeling like she was that child again, completely helpless not only by physical force, but in losing the reality and safety she had taken so many years to build. In that moment all she had known was shattered and it felt like it was happening again.

A servant had noticed the girl and left to get her master. Byakuya came quickly to find Rukia sobbing on the floor, on the very spot his crime had taken place. He had taken extra steps to avoid the room as much as she did, trying to ignore it like it never happened.

He had spent many nights sitting up thinking about it, both before and after he found her and he did the best he could do to push down all of the emotions. It wasn't a sustainable way to live, but it was the only thing he knew how to do. If she had been anyone else the abomination would never have occurred.

Still not fully understanding why he over reacted the way he did, he wondered if it was because he loved her too much or because there was something wrong with his love. Then he realized there was something wrong with him. Love was never freely shown or understood in his home.

His wife had cheated on him as well, and for some reason he had never scolded her for it, he only blamed himself, for not being there, for remaining on guard. When things had built to a point where he could take no more of the responsibilities and respectability, it was already too late. The thought of losing the last and only good and pure thing in his life drove him to an irrational insanity, it had collapsed what he had worked so hard to build in his world, the reality he had created, the reality shattered by not just words, but years of mounting repression.

Byakuya had placed his hands on her shoulders and she quickly scooted away in fear. It was a subconscious reaction she quickly tried to apologize for, they both looked at one another for a few moments intensely. Their eyes telling both their stories, it had become too emotional and Rukia was the first to give out and she began to lose consciousness. It was into his even more overbearingly protective arms she fell.

While he brought her to their bedroom so she could recover, he wondered if his love would suffocate and kill both of them and neither would find any happiness. He didn't feel happiness was something he had ever deserved in the first place so why did he expect it now?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 The Morning After

Rukia woke to the eyes of her husband who had been watching her for the latter part of the night.

"It's morning. What happened?" she asked.

"You fainted." he said.

"Oh." she said sitting up and looking sullen.

He lay his head on her lap and while looking up at her she placed her hand on his cheek. Neither needed to speak any words. Deep down under all the sadness and personal baggage there was a bond and a love that went beyond anything that could occur on the surface. It was in the few moments like this that it shown through, and they both felt like they could not exist without the other.

As the day went on Ginrei called the pair in to discuss an issue that was brought to his attention, one that he did not want to have to deal with but it was unavoidable in the world of nobles.

"It seems they do not care that you have children, because they were born out of wedlock. There is a bigger issue some family members do not care for the marriage and one of the servants has been relaying the message that nothing has been occurring in your bedroom. If the marriage is not consummated they believe they may have a case to annul the marriage." Ginrei said.

The news and accusations were abhorrent, it was no ones business, and couldn't have come at a worse time. It was however, true. They had kissed often but the act of sex had never occurred since he forced her. It was as if they were both avoiding it to not stir any bad memories.

When evening came Rukia was the one to initiate the intimacy. She sat in the bed wrapped in nothing more then a sheet. Her fists clenched the sheet tightly and her look of determination was that of a soldier about to do battle. It was awkward and he looked like stone trying to kiss her. The kiss had been all wrong. They tried to continue by touching one another but it seemed like they were just checking something off of a list.

"I can not." he said pulling away from her and laying down to pretend to sleep.

She turned to face opposite him and curled in a ball. She was sobbing as quietly as she could. All she could feel was rejection and it somehow made her feel dirty. He lay there next to her pretending to not hear her cry, failure was all he could think of, he couldn't touch her while she looked like she was braced for torture and not when his own fear of hurting her again kicked in.

What they both did to remedy the situation was to ignore it wholly. Byakuya worked more then he needed to and Rukia put all her efforts into the children.

Ichigo was all grown up. He had become a handsome man. He had come for training and he used his extra time to see Rukia. They began spending an overabundance of time together. She sought the comfort of friendship in him that they had always shared. But it soon became more then that. Byakuya's emotional abandonment had caused her to desperately seek comfort in anyone who would offer it to her.

Soon Ichigo and Rukia were having fun with the kids and looking like the picturesque family. Byakuya would see them from his window and his insides would pain and churn until he was overtaken with hopelessness and dread.

She had so much warmth and love to give and when she tried he only managed to push her away again and again. It was still his fault, he had created the situation and it was apparent that neither had been able to rise above what was going on hidden from the world.

Trust had been his issue all along, as well as hers. He needed to trust others, trust them to do something right for a change and when they didn't, it only reinforced the fact to him that he couldn't trust anyone. He had not even trusted himself and he still didn't. He was so afraid he would hurt her again that he pulled away hurting her in an entirely different way.

He couldn't allow himself happiness and he couldn't allow her light to enter his closed heart. Part of him realized when he was hurting her that she had really been innocent of what he had accused her of, and it didn't matter. By punishing her he found the best way to punish himself. Maybe a part of him liked being miserable and hopeless. With a life of constant mourning there is little to expect and everything is predictable.

If she had been innocent would it have mattered to him or not? Was a question he thought over and over. It really didn't, it was an excuse. He could take the light that she shone upon him and darken it and defile it and she would be just like him, her light wouldn't burn him so much, it wouldn't make him feel so much.

It was all going wrong. He wanted to change everything but the past can not be changed and the future seemed even more difficult a challenge. All he needed to do was trust himself and her, in her love, in her claims of love and devotion. To feel the security of her love, to share the closeness they once did. It was starting to look impossible.

Ever since they returned to the manor it had been a downward spiral. It had seemed like such a hopeful beginning and now all he could see was a bleak end. Could he let her go? There was no way he could. Not for him, not for her, he wasn't strong enough to let her go. He loved her too much to keep her but letting her go seemed a fate worse then death.

For weeks now he continued to watch the two. Rukia radiating a less then innocent sexuality he had never seen from her before. It seemed more like a desperation, a need for acceptance, an attempt to mistake attention for love and take it from anyone willing to share.

"Rukia I know you're not happy here, it's pretty obvious. Come back with me." Ichigo said.

"I…"

"Look I don't know why you married him, but it's obvious to everyone that neither of you want to be married."

"You don't understand and I don't want to talk about it."

"I do understand. Rukia you can come back with me and we can…" she cut him off and kissed him.

She kissed him, she had kissed Ichigo. It was wrong and she knew it, that wasn't what she wanted but it was what she wanted at the moment and she was no longer thinking of the consequences.

"I'm sorry I didn't…"

"So you will come back with me?" he said looking hopeful.

"You don't understand, I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong and I don't even know why I did it."

"I have to know if you share my feelings."

"Ichigo I can't return them. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Everything is just so messed up and I don't know how to fix it."

"You need to leave him Rukia. It's killing you." he said.

"It doesn't matter." she said.

"How can you say it doesn't matter? A marriage for convince is what doesn't matter. Your happiness is what matters."

"Ichigo I love him and if it kills me, then so be it." she said stunning him at the cryptic seriousness of her statement.

Byakuya had watched the whole exchange. Telling himself to close his eyes didn't work, every second her lips touched another felt like a curtain being pulled down inside of him. It was like the end, there had to be something he could do but he was at a total loss.

One would have expected Byakuya to go into a jealous rage, but he did not, he did nothing at all but turn away from the window and get back to work.

He was letting too much time pass.


	4. Chapter 4

It's short but this is a difficult fic to write.

Part 4

"Rukia come to bed." Byakuya commanded as he watched her acting strangely. He knew she was feeling guilty over what she had done with Ichigo earlier. What he wasn't so sure about was what she was going to do, if she was going to leave him or not.

"I'm sorry." she sobbed into his chest as he held her tightly. She didn't know he knew, but she still felt guilty for looking for comfort elsewhere.

"I have been thinking things over and I have not been the best company for you lately. If you wish to find happiness…" he stopped and choked on the words he was trying to say. "happiness elsewhere, I will not stop you."

"What?" she questioned.

"We should discuss things in the morning. I have made plans for us to go away for a short respite." he didn't want to say anymore because he was scared she might take him up on his offer and leave him and he couldn't bare losing her for good. At least now he had part of her.

She clung to him tightly that night, something inside of her feeling fear at his statement. Was it possible that he saw? Was it possible that she wanted him to see what she had did with Ichigo? Somewhere inside, no matter how much she loved him, she wanted to get revenge. She wanted him to feel as bad as she did, to be as torn apart inside. To feel just as abandoned.

But as the night had come to a close she was still in his arms and neither were willing to let go.

When morning came she found her things packed and she was prepared for a journey.

As they approached the small cottage where they had found happiness, she remembered the good feelings and love she had rediscovered there. Hanging her head she could not look at him, and the sky began to grow dark.

"Unpack and I will start a fire." Byakuya said.

Rukia heated up the food they had brought with them and they ate in silence. Both knew what was to come and both wanted to avoid what was necessary. Too many bad feelings were buried deep down and neither wanted to tackle the hurdle necessary to move on.

"Where do we begin?" she asked.

"I do not always have the answers."

"I know that but…"

"But you expect me to solve everything. You have always held me to standards even I can not accomplish."

"I'm sorry it's hard not to." she said.

"I need to know if you love me for who I really am and not the image you have made of me before all of this happened." he put his arms around her.

"I don't know. I love you but sometimes I hate you. You've been acting like a complete stranger. We were so close for a while and I know how guarded you are. I thought I could handle that since I had for so long, but now that we're married, it's just so hard to be this distant from you. I want to be close again, like we used to be. I want to be as happy as we once were. I don't know if it's possible anymore." she said.

"Would you be happier if I set you free from our marriage contract?" he unconsciously pulled her closer.

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

"No, I wish to avoid that unpleasantness."

"Is that all it is to you, an unpleasantness?" she said soberly.

"That is not what I mean. I do not wish to lose you and I will do everything I can to keep you with me. I can not bare to see you unhappy any longer. Will being with that boy make you happy?"

"What do you mean by that?" she said.

"I saw the two of you together. I realize I drove you to it but it does not make it any easier for me."

"All we did was kiss, once. I was the one to kiss him. I didn't mean to, doing that to him and to you was wrong. The moment…I was upset…I was hopping to get a feeling, I'm not even sure what kind…no I wanted the feeling you always gave me. I wanted that friendship and security. I realized I was wrong. He asked me to come away with him, but I refused."

"Why?" he asked.

"I couldn't be happy if I left you. I'd be even more miserable. You're the only one, but I don't know how to get passed all of this."

"I lost my control and I hurt you. I am afraid that it might happen again. That is why I could not…with you the other night."

"I thought it was me." she said.

"You looked so frightened. You…we were not ready yet and you were trying so hard to fulfill the elders wishes. It seemed like I was going to have to force you all over again. I do not want you to feel pressured. I do not want you laying there enduring what should be an act of love. I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to want to with me as we would have once been. I need you to tell me what I can do to make you unafraid of my touch."

"I'm not scared of your touch. It's not your touch it's…I'm scared of not having control, it was the scariest part. I couldn't stop you. You had lost all respect for me, I was nothing but a common street whore to you and you became scary. I know how scary you can be but I never thought that I would ever be the one to bring that out of you."

"It was not your fault. You are my one weakness. I foolishly allowed Gorou to see that, and he began taking advantage of it right away. Grandfather may have mentioned how impulsive and hot headed I used to be. It is a secret I keep well hidden from the world but I have not changed. I have just learned to not look like I am reacting. When you have been threatened I may look calm but I have too many times unleashed more force then necessary to make anyone who hurts you suffer. When I was the one who made you suffer I did not know what to do, there was no one to punish but myself. I have punished myself by denying myself the one thing that gives me any pleasure, you, and in doing that to myself I have made myself unavailable to you and made you suffer even more. I do not know how to change." he said.

"I've been doing the same thing. I think I've been trying to punish the both of us a well. I don't want revenge. I want to be happy again."

He was holding her as closely as he could. "Anything it takes."

"I'm ready to move on. But I'm not sure what to do." she said.

"Look at me." he said his eyes pleading with her. "What do you see."

She stared closely into his eyes and took a while to answer.

"I see you, exactly as you are, faults an all."

"Can you live with them?" he asked.

"Yes I think those imperfections make me love you even more."

"I know we can not go back to the way things used to be." he placed his hand on her cheek.

"We should stop thinking about the past. It's pointless. We need to worry about now and I don't feel angry anymore. I only want to be with you."

She gave him a nod and he knew what she had meant. Picking her up he carried her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed.

He took her very gently and chose to lay beside her instead of on top of her. As much as he wanted her, he used every painful bit of control to be careful not to do anything that would bring back memories of that night. He only touched her lightly and kissed her tenderly. The night was used more for showing their love for one another and less to satisfy carnal desires.

By morning they felt closer then they ever had before and were sure nothing could ever get between them again.

But just as things were looking up…

"Sir I'm sorry to disturb you however you will want to be aware of the situation." a man said handing Byakuya a letter.

'We have been given word that Kuchiki Gorou faked his death and is currently in hiding. It is best that you return home at once.'

"Rukia."

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" she reacted knowing something was wrong.

She snatched the letter from him after her took to long to answer her. After reading the words something inside of her began to surface and she ran to the bathroom to vomit.

"I am going to kill him." Byakuya said.


End file.
